happy father's day!

I've been following my son and hubby around with a camera for some time... almost stalker-like...
It seemed Father's Day would be the perfect opportunity to put something together. We started our relationship young and we've gone through many significant changes together. Seeing him now as a father is beautiful and I'm proud to have him as my lifetime partner.

Hope you enjoy!

emotional tug-of-war

I've been back to work for two months now (hence why I don't post as often as I used to). I'm getting more and more comfortable with leaving baby J at home with grandma. Being back at work definitely makes me feel like I've gotten a little more of my identity back. But it is NOT easy by any means...
When I get home I hear stories of all his new found talents, and all the milestones he's reaching. I am excited that my baby is growing and learning so much, but I'm sad because I'm missing so much of it! I can't help but feel a little guilty for not being there... I'm supposed to be his biggest fan, his cheerleader for life...

But how do I do that and still have my own life? I leave home usually before he wakes up, and I get home just before dinner time. When I get home, he has all my attention through dinner time, shower time, and bed time. This generally takes about 2 to 3 hours (after working 12 hours). When he goes to sleep my hubby and I try to catch up on how our day was over a glass (or two) of wine.
So I basically have no "me time" except when I take a break at work. Yet I still feel guilty for leaving baby J at home... I feel like I'm missing out...
Will he remember that I wasn't there? Will he understand that mommy had to work to provide for necessities? Will he care?

A Day with Baby J

Baby J is just over 10 months old and he's a busy little man. I tried to capture just a little of what goes on in his busy world and here it is. Hope you enjoy!

Sun on Sunday

Anyone who knows me, knows that I absolutely despise the cold weather. I guess you can take the girl from Africa, but you can't take the Africa out of the girl...

Sunday was a gorgeous day outside, the sun was shining and there was no wind, so we could actually enjoy some of the heat from the sun.

I used to take baby J for walks at the trail by our house all the time when he was just a couple months old. It used to calm him down and he would fall asleep during the hour-long stroll. I loved the time we spent together then, and the beautiful weather brought back all those beautiful memories.

We could definitely feel spring was in the air so my hubby and I decided to take advantage of the opportunity and go for a little walk with baby J.

He enjoyed himself for the most part, but for some reason he wasn't a big fan of the grass... I guess I can understand since it was his first time actually touching grass.

I'm really looking forward to summer now! I can't wait to spend more time at the park with my hubby and baby J, creating more memories... Hopefully he'll get used to grass soon. :)

Baby On the Move

Baby J has been shoving and sliding on the floor for a few weeks now and so I had a feeling that he would be crawling soon. Last Thursday, just two days after he turned 8 months old, it finally happened! He needed a little bit of motivation but he did it. I was glad the camera was near by because this is a big milestone for him, and a turning point for me because now I have to alert the eyes on the back of my head.

stop babying him...

Out of all the things people say, with respect to giving me parenting advice, I think this advice is the most annoying for me to hear... "stop babying him".

Baby J is now seven months old and he's developing his own personality. In general he's a pretty content baby and he doesn't fuss much (he definitely gets that from his dad). He is also becoming very independent (he gets that from me). This is great because when I do hear him fussing I KNOW there is something bothering him, so I will tend to him. And that's when the comments start... "you're going to spoil him", "let him cry a little", "you're picking him up too much", "stop babying him"...

What gets me is, most of these comments come from people who aren't even around him enough to know his true demeanor. Isn't that how it always is?

First of all, he's still very much a baby, so I don't see anything wrong with "babying" him. Second, ever think that maybe he's such a happy baby because I DO tend to his every cry? There are hundreds of articles that support 'Attachment Parenting', suggesting that it improves baby's development and behavior. Lastly, there's this little thing I've been developing since I was pregnant... Instinct. If my instincts tell me to pick him up, console him, baby him, guess what? That's what I'm going to do.

Every baby is different, we all know. What works for one is not guaranteed to have the same effect on another. I don't know every baby, but I do know mine, and if I hear him cry you better believe I will be there to tend to him. There will come a time when he won't want my hugs and kisses because it won't be "cool"... So while he still likes my cuddles, I'll give them to him whenever he cries.

Baby J adventures...

We have been introducing solids to baby J slowly since he was just over 4 months old. Nothing crazy, just rice cereals that can be mixed with breast milk or formula. We tried some squash and banana once because we got so excited but then decided to wait a whie longer because he wasn't enjoying it as much.

Anyway, a couple nights ago I was having my dinner after I had fed him. I sat with him while he played so that I could keep an eye on him while I ate. My husband noticed that baby J was trying to reach for my bowl!

He wasn't interested in his toys... He clearly wanted my bowl of spaghetti. Before I knew it, his hands were in my bowl and I decided, I'm full anyway so I might as well see what he's so curious about...

This is what my husband caught on our camera... Enjoy!

Things I've Learned So Far...

Maternity Leave is not Time Off!

When most people find out that I'm on maternity leave they are always telling me "oh you're soo lucky to have some time off..." I just smile at that comment because obviously I don't consider it as "time off" to be home with my baby. It is both physically and mentally demanding, as all moms know, to tend to a baby's every need 24/7!

Is it wrong that I get a little annoyed at that comment? If that's not enough, the question of "why are you always so tired?" is among one of my favorites. Really? You are well aware that I have a 5 month old baby and you really wonder why I am always tired? Pardon me but I find that to be a very ignorant question and one that I will not waste my time answering.

When baby J is up he requires my attention all the time. From feeding him, to entertaining him to ensure he stays on track developmentally, to comforting him when he cries, to helping him fall asleep when he's exhausted... yes, he needs my help to fall asleep.

When he does fall asleep I have to then take care my needs, yes, I also have needs. I have to eat as well otherwise he will have no food since I am breast feeding...

During the day he doesn't sleep for more than an hour at a time so there's not much time for me to take a nap as well so the best thing I can to is to just lay down and try to relax after I feed myself because when he wakes up, guess what? We have to do it all over again, and it is nonstop until bedtime which is usually around 11:00pm for baby J.

He's not sleeping through the night yet so that means I'm not sleeping through the night either. On a "good" night I get 4 hours of continuous sleep before he wakes up to feed again. He will sleep a total of about 9 hours in the night (not continuous obviously) before he's up for the day.

So please, don't think for a second that maternity leave is "time off"... And for goodness sake please stop asking me why I'm always tired. I have too much on my mind, I don't need to now be worried about looking tired. Thanks...

Sleep? Huh? What is that?

Last night felt like the first day we brought baby J home, in terms of how much sleep I got (or didn't get).I thought we were getting better with the sleeping thing but I guess not. He went to sleep at 11:30pm (like seriously??!) and then woke up at 3:30am... I didn't mind that because I have come to expect that (to the point where sometimes I wake up a minute before he does). BUT then he woke up again at 5, then again at 6:30 then at 8! WTF?!

It better be some type of growth spurt because seriously I am exhausted! He has been up since then until about 5 minutes ago when I was able to get him back to sleep for his morning nap.

I think I would've been better off if I had just stayed awake and watched a movie or something during that time because I now have a serious headache from those 20 minute naps that I took in between his feedings.

Should be a very fun day!

If you can't tell from the tone of this post, I am super annoyed right now. But he's going to wake up with that smile on his face and I'm just going to melt... :)

Welcome

As a first time mom everyone seems to want to give you advice on what, when, and how you should do certain things for your baby.

I'm not here to give advice, just to document and share my experiences with raising my baby. From the normal everyday things to learning that having a biracial baby actually matters to some people...?

Join me as I take on my new job as a mother. :)

xox

JOB POSTING

Job Title:
New Mother

Job Description:
Jack of all trades. Must be willing to work at all hours of the day and night, with little to no sleep... This is for the rest of your life.

Previous Experience:
On the job training provided.

Wages:
No salary provided, this will actually COST you money.

Benefits:
Hugs, kisses, and unconditional love from the most beautiful baby in the whole world!