happy father's day!

I've been following my son and hubby around with a camera for some time... almost stalker-like...
It seemed Father's Day would be the perfect opportunity to put something together. We started our relationship young and we've gone through many significant changes together. Seeing him now as a father is beautiful and I'm proud to have him as my lifetime partner.

Hope you enjoy!

emotional tug-of-war

I've been back to work for two months now (hence why I don't post as often as I used to). I'm getting more and more comfortable with leaving baby J at home with grandma. Being back at work definitely makes me feel like I've gotten a little more of my identity back. But it is NOT easy by any means...
When I get home I hear stories of all his new found talents, and all the milestones he's reaching. I am excited that my baby is growing and learning so much, but I'm sad because I'm missing so much of it! I can't help but feel a little guilty for not being there... I'm supposed to be his biggest fan, his cheerleader for life...

But how do I do that and still have my own life? I leave home usually before he wakes up, and I get home just before dinner time. When I get home, he has all my attention through dinner time, shower time, and bed time. This generally takes about 2 to 3 hours (after working 12 hours). When he goes to sleep my hubby and I try to catch up on how our day was over a glass (or two) of wine.
So I basically have no "me time" except when I take a break at work. Yet I still feel guilty for leaving baby J at home... I feel like I'm missing out...
Will he remember that I wasn't there? Will he understand that mommy had to work to provide for necessities? Will he care?

A Day with Baby J

Baby J is just over 10 months old and he's a busy little man. I tried to capture just a little of what goes on in his busy world and here it is. Hope you enjoy!

Sun on Sunday

Anyone who knows me, knows that I absolutely despise the cold weather. I guess you can take the girl from Africa, but you can't take the Africa out of the girl...

Sunday was a gorgeous day outside, the sun was shining and there was no wind, so we could actually enjoy some of the heat from the sun.

I used to take baby J for walks at the trail by our house all the time when he was just a couple months old. It used to calm him down and he would fall asleep during the hour-long stroll. I loved the time we spent together then, and the beautiful weather brought back all those beautiful memories.

We could definitely feel spring was in the air so my hubby and I decided to take advantage of the opportunity and go for a little walk with baby J.

He enjoyed himself for the most part, but for some reason he wasn't a big fan of the grass... I guess I can understand since it was his first time actually touching grass.

I'm really looking forward to summer now! I can't wait to spend more time at the park with my hubby and baby J, creating more memories... Hopefully he'll get used to grass soon. :)

One Year Natural

A year ago today, I stood in front of my bathroom mirror with a pair of scissors and began to cut all my hair off. The goal was to cut off all the chemically relaxed (straightened) hair and begin to embrace my natural hair.
I wasn't quite sure what I was doing at the time and there were a lot of mixed emotions... I was also 6 months pregnant with Baby J so maybe my hormones played a role... Looking back, I am very happy about my decision. I have absolutely no regrets!

I've learned so much about my hair (and still learning). I love being able to take care of it myself. I am also glad I took pictures because now I can look back and see my progress. I am absolutely loving this journey and I'm looking forward to experimenting more with my hair.
In a later post I will share some of the things I've learned so far, and hopefully it will be helpful to anyone out there who might be curious...

The only thing about my hair is... it shrinks like CRAZY. It is so tightly curled that you can't see the true length of it.

Natural Hair Confession

A few weeks ago during the beginning of the internet meme craze, I stumbled upon a Natural Hair meme.

When I first saw this picture I thought that "what we want" and "what we have" don't look very different to me. I would consider both to be legitimate hair styles that took time and effort to achieve.


What really caught my attention though was "what society sees". At first I thought to myself, "yes, that's definitely true". So I decided to post the picture in the Canadian Naturals Facebook group that I created, to see if anyone else saw what I saw.


There were a few comments, but the one that caught my attention was from my dear husband... He wrote:

"I don't see black hair as 'what society sees'. But is it fair to say that if this is generally 'what society sees', it may be a self fulfilled proficiency, caused by black women not embracing the true beauty of their hair?"

I read his comment over and over again and I had nothing to say because... he was right. I didn't know how to respond... So I simply clicked "Like".

Since I began my natural hair journey, I have been lucky enough that I have not experienced any negativity from anyone outside my family about my hair. I do get the occasional question from my mom, "are you going to get your hair done?" (after I've spent 30 minutes doing it...) But otherwise, I can honestly say that once my friends, co-workers, and my husband got over the initial shock of my baldness, the comments have been positive... Unless someone is too scared to say something (which is fine with me too).

But then if that's the case, what would make me automatically think "yes, that's definitely true" about the image of "what society sees". After thinking about it carefully, with the motivation of my husband's comment, I came to the realization that it's because this is how I used to see my own natural hair. I never thought of my natural hair as beautiful... Frankly I never really thought about my natural hair at all except when it was time to get it chemically straightened. Growing up that was just what you did... "getting your hair done" usually meant getting it chemically straightened, then followed with whichever hairstyle you chose, so I never had the chance to really deal with my natural hair until now.

So I guess the picture for "what society sees" is true, but who is the "society" referring to? I believe we are guilty, or at least I can say I was, in that because I thought this of my own natural hair, I thought this must be what others were thinking as well.

Baby On the Move

Baby J has been shoving and sliding on the floor for a few weeks now and so I had a feeling that he would be crawling soon. Last Thursday, just two days after he turned 8 months old, it finally happened! He needed a little bit of motivation but he did it. I was glad the camera was near by because this is a big milestone for him, and a turning point for me because now I have to alert the eyes on the back of my head.

TWA in the workplace

So what is a TWA you ask? Teeny Weeny Afro! That is the classification of my hair at the length that it is at right now. Although I think I will be past that stage very soon because I am almost able to put my hair into a ponytail now... MILESTONE!!

Anyway... That's not the point of this post.

A few weeks ago I received a message from a fellow 'Nuturalista' asking me about styling options for her TWA for work. She was bored of wearing her hair in just the Afro and wanted something "more professional".

Around the same time, there was a lot of discussion in the natural hair forums that I frequent, about how much trouble some women were having in the workplace with their natural hair. There were some that even suggested that natural hair is not professional (huh?). Some women said that they wear wigs to work in order to look more presentable.

My take on this? It's not just your hair that makes you look professional or presentable. If you don't look like you put any effort into your entire appearance, it won't matter if your hair is natural, relaxed, twisted, straight, long, short, whatever!

Also, if you don't have confidence within yourself to know that you are beautiful with your hair the way it is, it will show... and this will just open the door for ignorant people to add their unnecessary commentary. But that's just my opinion.

So... I was inspired to go through a week and style my hair the way I would to work (yes I have actually worn ALL these styles to work before). By doing this I hope to inspire those who are either bored with their TWA, or simply just want new styling options.

Video tutorials are also available if you click the captions... Hope you enjoy!

Monday

Tuesday

Wednesday

Thursday

Friday

stop babying him...

Out of all the things people say, with respect to giving me parenting advice, I think this advice is the most annoying for me to hear... "stop babying him".

Baby J is now seven months old and he's developing his own personality. In general he's a pretty content baby and he doesn't fuss much (he definitely gets that from his dad). He is also becoming very independent (he gets that from me). This is great because when I do hear him fussing I KNOW there is something bothering him, so I will tend to him. And that's when the comments start... "you're going to spoil him", "let him cry a little", "you're picking him up too much", "stop babying him"...

What gets me is, most of these comments come from people who aren't even around him enough to know his true demeanor. Isn't that how it always is?

First of all, he's still very much a baby, so I don't see anything wrong with "babying" him. Second, ever think that maybe he's such a happy baby because I DO tend to his every cry? There are hundreds of articles that support 'Attachment Parenting', suggesting that it improves baby's development and behavior. Lastly, there's this little thing I've been developing since I was pregnant... Instinct. If my instincts tell me to pick him up, console him, baby him, guess what? That's what I'm going to do.

Every baby is different, we all know. What works for one is not guaranteed to have the same effect on another. I don't know every baby, but I do know mine, and if I hear him cry you better believe I will be there to tend to him. There will come a time when he won't want my hugs and kisses because it won't be "cool"... So while he still likes my cuddles, I'll give them to him whenever he cries.

my earring obsession

Back in March 2011 when I cut my hair and decided I wasn't going to put any more chemical relaxers in my hair, I found a new love for earrings. It started because I was trying to find ways to feel more feminine with my short hair.

Now its not even about my hair anymore... I'm just obsessed with earrings... big, bright, long... I just love them!

I think there are worse things I could be obsessed with so... I don't feel bad :)

reasons why i love you

Every year, my husband is very specific as to what he wants for Christmas so it has never been hard for me to please him. Sometimes he doesn't even want me to bother wrapping the gifts because he already knows what it is (where's the fun in that?!). He is a very practical person when it comes to gifts. Christmas, birthdays, whatever.

So this year I decided that I was going to get him everything he wanted, but I also wanted to do something a little special, something different... so here's what I came up with. :)

It's just your regular standard playing cards and I stuck some adhesive paper to the back of each card and started listing all the reasons why I love him. To keep it interesting I also mixed in a few romantic favors. You can let you imagination run free and be as adventurous as you want here.

He was definitely not expecting something like this but he loved it and he always wants to pull a card. Whether he pulls a card that tells him one of the reasons why I love him, or a card with a favor like a sensual massage, you can't go wrong... Try it!

Baby J adventures...

We have been introducing solids to baby J slowly since he was just over 4 months old. Nothing crazy, just rice cereals that can be mixed with breast milk or formula. We tried some squash and banana once because we got so excited but then decided to wait a whie longer because he wasn't enjoying it as much.

Anyway, a couple nights ago I was having my dinner after I had fed him. I sat with him while he played so that I could keep an eye on him while I ate. My husband noticed that baby J was trying to reach for my bowl!

He wasn't interested in his toys... He clearly wanted my bowl of spaghetti. Before I knew it, his hands were in my bowl and I decided, I'm full anyway so I might as well see what he's so curious about...

This is what my husband caught on our camera... Enjoy!

Things I've Learned So Far...

Maternity Leave is not Time Off!

When most people find out that I'm on maternity leave they are always telling me "oh you're soo lucky to have some time off..." I just smile at that comment because obviously I don't consider it as "time off" to be home with my baby. It is both physically and mentally demanding, as all moms know, to tend to a baby's every need 24/7!

Is it wrong that I get a little annoyed at that comment? If that's not enough, the question of "why are you always so tired?" is among one of my favorites. Really? You are well aware that I have a 5 month old baby and you really wonder why I am always tired? Pardon me but I find that to be a very ignorant question and one that I will not waste my time answering.

When baby J is up he requires my attention all the time. From feeding him, to entertaining him to ensure he stays on track developmentally, to comforting him when he cries, to helping him fall asleep when he's exhausted... yes, he needs my help to fall asleep.

When he does fall asleep I have to then take care my needs, yes, I also have needs. I have to eat as well otherwise he will have no food since I am breast feeding...

During the day he doesn't sleep for more than an hour at a time so there's not much time for me to take a nap as well so the best thing I can to is to just lay down and try to relax after I feed myself because when he wakes up, guess what? We have to do it all over again, and it is nonstop until bedtime which is usually around 11:00pm for baby J.

He's not sleeping through the night yet so that means I'm not sleeping through the night either. On a "good" night I get 4 hours of continuous sleep before he wakes up to feed again. He will sleep a total of about 9 hours in the night (not continuous obviously) before he's up for the day.

So please, don't think for a second that maternity leave is "time off"... And for goodness sake please stop asking me why I'm always tired. I have too much on my mind, I don't need to now be worried about looking tired. Thanks...

Sleep? Huh? What is that?

Last night felt like the first day we brought baby J home, in terms of how much sleep I got (or didn't get).I thought we were getting better with the sleeping thing but I guess not. He went to sleep at 11:30pm (like seriously??!) and then woke up at 3:30am... I didn't mind that because I have come to expect that (to the point where sometimes I wake up a minute before he does). BUT then he woke up again at 5, then again at 6:30 then at 8! WTF?!

It better be some type of growth spurt because seriously I am exhausted! He has been up since then until about 5 minutes ago when I was able to get him back to sleep for his morning nap.

I think I would've been better off if I had just stayed awake and watched a movie or something during that time because I now have a serious headache from those 20 minute naps that I took in between his feedings.

Should be a very fun day!

If you can't tell from the tone of this post, I am super annoyed right now. But he's going to wake up with that smile on his face and I'm just going to melt... :)

Welcome

As a first time mom everyone seems to want to give you advice on what, when, and how you should do certain things for your baby.

I'm not here to give advice, just to document and share my experiences with raising my baby. From the normal everyday things to learning that having a biracial baby actually matters to some people...?

Join me as I take on my new job as a mother. :)

xox

JOB POSTING

Job Title:
New Mother

Job Description:
Jack of all trades. Must be willing to work at all hours of the day and night, with little to no sleep... This is for the rest of your life.

Previous Experience:
On the job training provided.

Wages:
No salary provided, this will actually COST you money.

Benefits:
Hugs, kisses, and unconditional love from the most beautiful baby in the whole world!